CHARACTER: A YOUNG MAN'S OPINION
By Jordan Kelly

Age 22

          Character will not guarantee financial success or make you a better competitor. Character does not keep you safe and out of harm’s way. Character will not make you more popular, more attractive, or improve your sex life. These are only some of the things that we constantly obsess over, and all of them are obtainable without any consideration of character. So…of what use is character in improving my life? I have only recently set out to observe my character and develop it, and when considering my situation and the situations of many others of my generation I couldn’t help but ask the question: Why do I need character? Why does anybody? I know that character is a good thing, and I don’t think many people would dispute that, but how necessary is it for acquiring all of things that I want? How necessary is character to finding happiness and fulfillment?

          My life thus far has been one of comfort and privilege. Throughout my education I have been well known and well thought of by both teachers and classmates. My education has rarely been challenging and I have hardly had to put forth any effort to get to where I am now. I have had more friends than I care to keep in touch with. I have traveled a great deal and seen many amazing things. Financially, my family has never let me want for anything and has happily funded my many escapades. I have only had a few jobs and I worked only to escape boredom. Sounds like an ideal life, doesn’t it? So why, if everything is so great, do I feel so restless and empty?

          The life I just described has been built without much consideration for character. I am not trying to say that I am a “bad guy,” I am only saying that I have never known what it takes to truly be a “good guy.” It is one thing to create the illusion of character and quite another to actually have character. I spend so much time criticizing other people for how materialistic, narrow-minded, and selfish they are, but that frustration comes from the recognition that all of these traits exist within me as well. Often times when I look at all of the people around me, I can’t stand them because they remind me of all the things that I can’t stand about myself; namely, my lack of character.

          Before I began this inquiry, I honestly believed that I conducted my life with more character than everybody else around me. I did not want to admit that I needed character training; it was not the reason that I sought out Ba Gua Quan. I typically saw myself as the nice guy being victimized by the cruel world. I was unable to see how my own actions contributed to the cruelty of this world. I was unable to see that most of my well-intentioned actions have been conducted with underlying selfish and greedy motives. I was nice and helpful to others so that I would be needed by them and made popular. I sought out power and attraction through popularity.

          We are all familiar with the phrase: “Nice guys finish last.” This phrase has caused me considerable anxiety in my life and I have often considered it to be an honest truth. I have always wanted to be a “nice guy,” but I have never wanted to “finish last.” So I now ask myself, what values are being implied with this phrase? We are obviously not valuing integrity, honesty, or selflessness, which are the stuff that character is made of. Instead we value such things as craftiness and greed, because with those qualities we find the drive and the ability to outwit our opponents and make all of our material wishes come true. In this playing field, character is only a hindrance to success.

          How do we measure success? Am I successful if I own a mansion, a powerboat, a summer lakehouse, or retire with millions of dollars? Am I successful if I occupy a powerful position in a corporation or government? Am I successful because I own a suburban home, I’m married, and I have kids? I believe success should be measured by how fulfilled I am with my life and by how I help others to achieve a similar fulfillment in their lives. If I am constantly striving to have more stuff and different relationships then I am not satisfied, I am not fulfilled, I am not successful. I should not have to convince myself that I am happy; I should actually feel happy.

          I could never understand why I was so unsatisfied with my life when by societal standards I was achieving everything that should lead to happiness. I thought of myself as ungrateful. I was too ashamed to seek help. I thought that there must be something terribly wrong with me if I could have so much and remain so unhappy. So I would pretend to be happy, because I didn’t know what else to do. I knew that something needed to be changed but I didn’t know what it was or how I was going to do it. So how did I adapt to a world that I felt powerless to change? I stopped caring. I stopped caring about myself; I stopped caring about others; I stopped caring about my environment. I cut myself off from feeling. If I was powerless to affect the world then I would stop trying.

          I see a similar attitude of indifference forming in all of the people of my generation, and it is born out of feeling helpless, powerless, and insecure. We are unhappy with our lives and with our world, and we don’t know what to do about it. So we seek distraction through entertainment. We console ourselves with addictive substances and relationships. We idolize false heroes. We lie, we cheat, we steal, we manipulate, we deceive, we argue, we fight, and we are taught that this how you get ahead. If you’re nice, you finish last. But what exactly is the prize for winning that race, is it happiness? I think not.

         I realize now that what I value differs from what society teaches me to value. That I must use my competitive spirit to do whatever is necessary to get the things I want is not the path to complete fulfillment. The development of my character occupies no chapter in this education. The modern world has taught me that character is of no use in acquiring satisfaction in terms of what society values.

          But I feel character is absolutely necessary if I am ever to acquire true satisfaction. I only just began on this path of healing and self-mastery in April of 2006 when I met Dr. Guen. Now I am living in Dr. Guen’s home as a disciple where I am daily engaged in intense martial art training and the refinement of character together with fellow classmates. At the same time I am enrolled in graduate school diligently studying psychology on my way to becoming a Chinese doctor and a clinical psychologist. It is difficult for me to speculate about where exactly character training will take me, but I am already finding value and meaning in my life where before there was none. My relationships with the people are becoming deeper and more satisfying, proving to me that by committing myself to a path of healing and spiritual growth I can live a much fuller and satisfying life that is guided by good choices and supported by good people. I have never felt more on track than I am now, and yet this is only the beginning.